16 November 2005

beat tech...bleh.

yeah, so michael jackson has screwed up big time. but that doesn't mean that the man can't lay down a sweet track. i mean, i'm listening to man in the mirror right now, and this thing rocks. (just ask my sister sometime how much it rocks...she used to sing it really well...:)

So i just finished two papers. It's so unfortunate that one of them is worth a third of my grade. I have no idea if this guy even likes the way i write or not. well, yes i do. and the answer is: he doesn't. alas. thanks to all for your helpful comments about how to write as though i'm 'in' the painting...i wound up just talking about the 'noise' and 'loudness' of the painting (and if you want to read that fantastic morsel of literary genius, i can email it to you.) so i'm sorry that my grammar and capitalization is going to be erratic this post, but i'm tired of editing (which, looking back at my other posts, seems to be a pattern).

i have a big decision to make: to tech or not to tech. this weekend is the big game between UVA and tech, and its at uva. its on saturday. i could come home friday afternoon and be home for over a week for thanksgiving, or i could stay, fight the crowds and drunkenness, and be a real college student. decisions, decisions. i think i'm actually going to stay, even though i really don't like football. i just think i'll regret it if i don't go. its so funny to me how we have so many weird things that we feel like we 'must' do. i mean, if you would have asked me if i thought going to a football game was important like, uh, six months ago, i would have given a definite no. but now i'm giving into peer pressure and feeling the 'mustness' of going. i mean, it probably will be fun. people have already started camping out by the stadium so that they can get good seats on saturday. they started yesterday. these people are insane. i mean, i don't mean to be sacreligious, but we're probably going to lose. and i don't want to be the girl in full paint waving my orange fever shirt loud and proud in front of a stadium full of fans of the winning team. i just hope no fights break out...although it might be interesting. the tech people will try to figure out the trajectory of a drunken punch (or tobacco spit) while the uva kids will have a debate about how much it is going to hurt, yelling insults about the tech kids' unfamiliarity with such amazing politicians like thomas jefferson and asking whether or not tech's cows have produced any important agricultural finds of late. i'm just glad i have a friend who's a football player; maybe he can protect me in a fight. however, i did live in texas for a year; if i can fight off a cowboy, i can fight off anybody. but in regards to this football player: he really isn't my friend. or, i'm not sure if he is. he's in one of my classes, and i like to look at him (he's attractive, ok?), but I don't know if that's friendship or more stalkership. i mean, i'd like to be friends with him, but i would only be interested in him for his jersey. it is pretty cool to tell everyone you're friends with a football player, especially a good looking one, even if your team isn't all that good. so, i'll just say he's my friend, and hopefully you'll never meet him to ask him. oh yeah, and ask him to say his name if you do meet him...i called him by the wrong name for about, uh, two months before i looked in the uva football program and saw his real name, but i'm still not sure how to pronounce it. So, i just try to make eye contact and say hi. now he thinks i'm a stalker that i'm stupid, but good in italian. (maybe that will impress him. i'll just whisper sweet italian nothings in his ear.)

Enough of my love life (considering this is what it consists of...dreaming about italian classmates). its sad when it consists of so little information that what it does entail can be posted on the internet. sigh. at least i have my dreams, right? and i can watch him on the field and yell after him, acting like we're all buddy-buddy. if the kids next to me haven't consumed their 'fourth-year fifth' yet, maybe they'll actually be impressed. otherwise, they might just puke on my shoes. i just hope it doesn't wash off any of the orange and blue body paint.

by the way...blogger obviously supports the cavs...considering the 'save as draft' and 'publish post' buttons are orange and blue. and thank YOU, blogger.com.

i will see you all soon, hopefully, if i actually can get home from the game in time for thanksgiving. i think all of northern virginia will be returning at 4 on saturday. just say a little prayer for me...and the cars that cut me off (whoa there, road rage.)

goodnight and god bless :)

08 November 2005

lord i was born a ramblin' (wo)man

Sorry its been a while since I've written. I've mostly been spending my time reading...or at least complaining about reading, which I found is a lot less productive but much more cathartic. Now if only I could find away to get my reading done while complaining...but I'm no multi-tasker, that's for sure. If you find a way, just lemme know.

Anyway, so nothing all that funny has really happened to me in the past few weeks. School's starting to get really serious...I mean, around here it always is pretty serious. Between kids taking themselves WAAAAY too seriously, and professors taking themselves too seriously, things are pretty much pompous all the time. But now that midterms have passed and papers are due before Thanksgiving break, there is a general underlying freaking-out anxiety around campus. I have five pages to write, and I can't get myself to do them. Yes, five pages. And that's two papers. One paper is 2 pages and a third of my grade. Some of my classmates probably can't even fit their name into two pages. I shouldn't be worried, but since my professor is of the mindset that no matter what you do or how much time you spend on work, he's gonna give you the grade he wants to give you, its hard to motivate myself. At least my mom is coming this weekend so she can kick me around and get me to do it. (Side note: If any of you know how to write a paper as though you are "in" the painting, please let me know.)

I think what's been so funny about this semester is the general lack of caring that i've been exhibiting. If you know me, which many of you do, you know that the words "jessica" and "laid back" really don't ever belong in the same sentence; one cancels the other out...they repel each other they are so incongruous. But this semester has been really different. Since I don't have a boyfriend, I'm really enjoying this whole single life kick I'm on right now. I mean, I can do whatever I want whenever I want to. Its a struggle, since I've discovered I'm a caregiver, and that can be both positive and negative. So I miss caring for people and taking care of them, but I don't miss enabling them. So I'm just taking care of myself and enabling myself. And its working out quite wonderfully. I am taking care of myself by working out, but enabling my unmotivatedness so I procrastinate. But that's what college is for, right? To learn how long you can wait before something is due and still get it done on time? For real, though, I've never been this laid back in my life. I still have my struggles with being controlling and obsessive, but for the most part, I'm just going with the flow. And as weird as it seems, this no boyfriend thing is fantastic. I mean, I hope someday to get married and have kids and stuff, but right now that's the last thing on my mind. And it is definitely on the mind of a lot of my friends. I guess since I've been there, done that, I don't feel the need to try to find someone right this minute, while my friends that haven't really dated feel the need to find somebody right now. I like being able to plan out my life by myself and know that I'm handling my life ok without anyone else. I think its been a long time since I truly trusted myself and believed 100 percent that I could take care of my own life. But I'm doing it...and it feels really good. I always thought I depended on people for certain things, and I may still, cause I know a lot of you out there are supporting me. But I'm doing a lot on my own that I never thought I would, and I'm making friends on my own (even though I meet them in weird ways...like reversing down an interstate...cough...) and doing all these things I want to do. I'm so selfish. However, I'm loving the selfishness right now, and I know that God can definitely use me now in ways I haven't let Him before.

So this was really serious, and I'm sorry, I guess I'm just uninspired. Hopefully something funny will come along...I kind of could use it. Not that Process and Conceptual art of the 1960s and 70s isn't fastinating, but somehow "Box with the sound of its own making" leaves something to be desired. Of course, Beuys, a fluxus/psycho artist did make a work where he put honey all over his head and then gold leafed himself. He sat in a chair holding a dead rabbit and talked to it for a long period of time. The name of the work: how to explain painting to a dead hare. I kid you not. I mean, I realize that people tripped a lot during the 1970s, but its amazing this guy remembered to put his pants on in the morning (and in some works of art, I'm not sure that he did.) And in another work he locked himself in a room with a coyote for a couple of days, (entitled, surprisingly, 'Coyote') and wrapped himself in fat and felt and stuck a staff out of the top of the teepee like covering, using it as an antenna to communicate with nature. Wow. Hopefully that was funny enough to make this post worthwhile.

Wow.

Goodnight and god bless!